Charm,Beauty and Poise: Timeless Tips for Girls who have Let Themselves Go

If the well-bred woman had four legs and fur, she’d be on the endangered list. There would be groups dedicated to saving her. There would be protests and marches, and perhaps even a national hotline so that women, desperate to do the right thing, could phone in. But sadly, she has only two legs and – barring any depilatory misfortune – no fur.

I am determined to do what I can to retrieve the finely-mannered woman from her perilous perch at the edge of extinction and to this end, I have developed a 45-minute performative slide show which is guaranteed to put the femme back in your fatale.

Drawing on my vast collection of etiquette books, home economics treatises, beauty guides, charm manuals, sewing handouts, and other materials aimed squarely at the mid-twentieth century North American woman, I lead my audience on a tour of the dangerous curves and other mishaps that loom around every corner on the road to womanly perfection. Dressed to thrill in a 1950s off the shoulder, red taffeta party dress and buoyed by a voluminous crinoline of alarming proportion, I take up my missionary position with all the zeal you’d expect from an avowed (pre-post) feminist.

If your standards of charm, beauty, and poise are plummeting faster than the Dow Jones; if the main source of heat in your love life is coming from global warming; if your partner thinks allure is something only found in a fishing tackle box – this presentation may be just the ticket to give your waning glamour battery a road-side boost.

what they are saying:
“a smart, slyly hilarious etiquette lesson by a kind of post-modern, lesbian Emily Post”
“a rare combination of brilliant political satire and a rollicking good time”“riveting, creative and original”
“if you have a chance to see this show – we say don’t miss it”
”the crowning jewel of our year-end event…delightful, enlightening, exquisite”
“Sheila Norgate is a national treasure we’ve been holding close to our Canadian chests for far too long”

my next performance:
I will post details of any scheduled performances on my Upcoming page.

bookings:
Please contact me directly either by email or phone (250 247-7308) if you know of any ill-bred women in your community who might be in need of my help.

where I have been:
BOLDfest Conference, Coast Plaza Hotel, Vancouver BC, September 2010
National Campus and Community Radio Conference, Gabriola BC, June 2010
New Horizons Women’s Shelter, LaCrosse Wisconsin, April 2010
Poetry Gabriola Festival, Surf Lodge, Gabriola BC November 2009
Benefit for Elizabeth Bagshaw Clinic, Heritage Hall, Vancouver BC, October 2009
BOLD lesbian Conference, Coast Plaza Hotel, Vancouver BC, September 2009
Nanaimo Business Women’s Network, Nanaimo BC, June 2009
Martin Batchelor Gallery, Victoria BC April 2009
Gabriola Poetry Festival November 2007